How Do I Get Comfortable in My Own Skin?

June 23, 2020

One of the questions that I get asked all of the time is, how do I get comfortable in my own skin? You seem to know what you want to do Deanna, how does that happen?

Flash forward reflection

Today, I want to share a secret with you, and this is a little bit awkward, it might even make you feel uncomfortable which is not my intention.  But I want to share it because it has been really practical. One day, I sat down and wrote out my eulogy; I wrote out what I would hope that people would have to say about me after I passed. Now, I know that is a little bit dark and I know that it doesn't sound like a fun afternoon, BUT I have to tell you, it was REALLY powerful.  To be able to look forward and think about the end of life and to say: what do I want to be able to look back on, what would I want other people to reflect back on?

the exercise

After I wrote the eulogy, because I'm an Excel nerd---I took my eulogy and I put it into an Excel document. I divided it up across all of the different values and areas that mean something to me.


How do I want to be viewed when I think about spirituality? 


What do I think is really important when I think about my family? 


What is really important when I think about my community? 


I took my self written eulogy and broke it down into these categories. I said, these are the expectations that I have. In the first column, I wrote the words of the eulogy. In the second column, I wrote the words that I would want other people to use when referring to me, these were mostly actionable things that people could look at or they would say referring to my eulogy. Then for several years, each month I would go in and I would rate myself. Did I do well, then I got a 10! Or did I do poorly, then I got a 1. I created another column where I would put some notes; I could list some things that I thought I did well and some things that I thought I could change.

how it helped me

I don’t do this anymore, but like I said, I did it for years. I do return to this exercise at least once a year during my annual reflection. The reason why I'm sharing this technique with you and the reason why I did it for years is because it helped me ground myself in who I want to be and who I am. One of the things this will help you to do is to make sure that you are doing the things with your time, your energy, and your resources that align with the things that you are most passionate about.  These things should align with your values.

challenge yourself

Until next week, make sure that you go ahead and do that challenging task. Write your eulogy, your life summary, how you want to be remembered. Try it out. Perhaps you just spend 30 minutes on it, but try it. No matter what you do...


Hustle with Purpose!


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